I didn't make up the term "Blessing Blockers", but it sounded fitting at the time...

I have recently blogged about these last few months being very hard, and I wanted to let you all know that things are and have been definitely looking up! I'm excited about this year and what it will bring. I'm excited for new beginnings, and for a renewed spirit, and a sound mind. I look forward to stepping out into new territory and letting God work through me and helping others to do the same.

One thing that I do have trouble with, as some of you might have realized by now (hehehe..unfortunately for you), is that change is hard for me. Even though I know it's likely for the good, it's hard. I find something I like and get attached to it, and it's hard for me to give it up. It's kind of like leaving your parents' house when you go away to college..you want that change and you've been waiting so long for it, and you know it will probably be a change for the better and a step towards your future, but leaving a place of stability and comfort proves challenging nonetheless. And I have had so much change in my lifetime (change of residences, change of friends, change of schools, etc., etc., and not all good change) that when I find something comfortable, I cling. And, frankly, it sucks, because I have learned over the years that not many others are as loyal or sensitive to/observant of other people as I tend to be.

I have also learned this: You can't blame them. It's called human nature.

In the past few months, there have been a couple incidents of someone who I trust disappointing me in some way; The one that still kills me every time I think about what happened, well this person just did something that was just totally wrong and sickening and hurtful in every way , not just affecting me, but lots of other people as well. And then, after that happened, I was burdened with the question, "If I can't trust this particular person, who, then, CAN I trust?" And I admit I was being super sensitive to other people as a result of it. The funny part about it is I always know all along that I will be disappointed. I always am. Because imperfect, flawed human beings will always disappoint in some way. So how is that their fault? They were just living up to my expectations, carrying out what I knew would eventually occur. It seems that history always repeats itself in this area...

BUT: because it does keep repeating itself, every time something like this happens, I re-learn and remember and re-cling to this: God will never fail you. And I think that is part of the lesson that I am supposed to be learning and re-learning through it all...CLING TO GOD AND THE PROMISES HE HAS FOR YOU, because no one else will ever be as loyal as He is.

I like to think of things like disappointing events as "blessing blockers." These blessing blockers can come in any shape, way, form, etc. They can seem enticing, sweet, fun, and even Godly, but in the end they always fail you. It's because they are not of God. It's because Satan uses them to essentially block your blessing, to try to take your focus off of the promises that God HAS made to you and focus on the situation (seemingly good, or bad) that surrounds you. Because God's plan for you is awesome, and Satan doesn't want you to achieve it. Because that would mean that he lost.

I can be hurt and upset and ready for revenge forever. But that would only mean that Satan got his way, that my focus has fallen off of the promise that God has for me. Am I saying that it's my fault that things in the past have happened the way they did? No. I do take some responsibility, but certainly not all of it. It always takes two. However, I CAN choose to just let it go and to forgive and to have faith that God is a God of justice.

And I do believe that what Satan tries to use for evil, God can ultimately turn around and use it for good.

So, that is where I am at right now. I know it might sound dumb and weird and not make any sense to some of you reading this, but I can honestly say that I want to focus on God's perfect plan, even if it is unclear to me..no.. ESPECIALLY when it is unclear to me, so that I keep my eyes on Him and continually seek Him...and not be distracted by the silly problems that have in the last couple of months seemed to come one after the other after the other. I can only hope that God has something awesome in store for me, because you know what they say... the greater the opposition, the greater the blessing.

: )

Who says mommies can't go to Martini Ranch?!

...and who knows why the hell I am not in bed right now, catching up on some much needed R&R after this crazy weekend.

I always tell myself that I am so over the party scene...I absolutely HATE getting home late and being tired all the next day..and we all know I can't sleep because I've got the rugrats insisting I need to know that they, like, ate cereal without getting milk on the table. Or something. It's always something. Bless their little hearts.

I savor my "alone time"..without it, I might end up in a madhouse. So when two of my good friends (single, hott, no-ties friends, mind you) insisted that I accompany them to Denver for a GNO last night, I hesitated. I just reeeaaallllllllly didn't want to go. It was already 10:30, and I was ready to go home and plant myself on the couch for an hour, watch some high quality tele (aka the 9 News weather...I know, I have issues), and go to bed at a reasonable time.

Well, we were all at my neighbor's house for a wine party and they kept insisting that I come with them and I kept finding excuses not to go...(don't want to drive home from Denver alone at 2 a.m., tired, needed to wash my hair...you know, those kinds of good excuses). I finally said, "If Rhea (my 37-year-old self-proclaimed sleep-loving neighbor..we love her) goes, I'll go," totally not expecting her to say, "I'm in!" And better yet, not only did she decide she wanted to go, my other neighbor, who is 3 months pregnant, offered to come with us and drive. GASP. So, really, I had no choice but to cave. I mean, seriously.

So, to make a long story short, we ended up at a place called the Martini Ranch in Denver, and it ended up being a blast! They were playing good music, there were other "older" (older meaning older than 25) people there (not just a bunch of rowdy college kids...no offense to any of you rowdy college kids that might happen to read this..I think it's safe to say that most of us have been there...). It was just fun. A little surreal and slightly creepy that I was out at a bar in Denver with my married mommy neighbors at 1 a.m., but fun nonetheless.

And all this after having had a day full of work, hip hop class, Mcdonalds, birthday party, and a wine party. Not to mention the late but extremely fun night we had on Friday for Michelle's birthday....

All I can say is I am done with trying to pretend I can hang with the party crowd..well, until March at least. Girls, get ready for some major excitement. I'm not letting any of you off the hook!!!!!!

love!

Nighty night.

Changing lives and things of that nature.

So, I know what you all are thinking...blogging again!?! Doesn't she have anything else to do? Well, the sad truth is that, no...i really don't have anything else to do (short of cooking, cleaning, working, laundry, changing diapers, etc. etc., take your pick)...What it all boils down to is the fact that I am just a huge geek. And, honestly, my life isn't overflowing with exciting events or interesting happenings worth blogging about..but I do have a point to make some of the time, and if you're interested in reading, well, that is great. If not, you may just miss out on the most important insight ever in life. Hehe. Just kidding.

One of my neighbors and I were talking today, and she asked me if I wanted to have a drink after work. I told her I couldn't because I was going to try to get to SIM (youth group at church)this week since I haven't been able to make it in a while and some of the girls were expecting me to be there. She then said, "Well, when you decide you don't want to go at 5:00, let me know and we'll have a drink," to which I responded, "I already told people I was gonna be there, and if I say I am going to do something, I do it." She then asked, "Aren't these the same girls who ditched you on babysitting this week?", implying that since they had not met my expectations and lived up to their word, why should I accomodate them? (For the record, the babysitting thing was a total misunderstanding, my bad...she definitely didn't ditch me..and also for the record, my neighbor means well, I believe she was just looking out for me when she made that statement).

This question got me to thinking..and thinking...and thinking...aka, overanalyzing the situation.

Why DO I commit my time to these kids, specifically the girls? Is it because they shower me with affection? Um, no. Not even. Is it because they make me feel young again? Well, we could be hitting a nerve with this one..but no. Is it because I see in them raw potential of what they could possibly be and the plan God has for their lives? Yes. Is it because they need people who they can trust who are not their parents and maybe not even their youth leader (sorry Jamie, much love!!!) to set a good example for them? I do believe so. Or is it simply because I have developed a love for them and honestly want to see them thrive? That too.

They may be totally on fire for God, and they may be involved in ministry, and they may have memorized scripture up to their ears, but they are still just kids. And kids need guidance and attention and prayer and a little TLC every once in a while. While I admit that for a while I was feeling silly for going because I don't really have a specific "job", I now know that I am just supposed to be there. I have realized that just them knowing I'm there and available and that I take time out of my endless list of daily to-do's to show up just for them makes a huge difference. It's totally humbling for me because really, when it comes down to it, I don't have all the answers for them and I am not always the perfect role model for them, and I have my own issues to worry about, why take on theirs?

It's given me the opportunity to practice putting myself and my needs on the back burner to be of service to others. It's not always easy, and it's not always fun. But it's always rewarding when you walk away knowing that God may have just used you to plant a seed, or even to literally change a life. Even perhaps by just being there...

And that, my friends, is my deep thought for today. Thanks for listening...er, reading. :)

Romans 8:28...in ALL things...

As some of you know, the past couple of months have been challenging for me. I won't get into it now, but it's just been crazy, like a domino effect..and it all comes crashing down.

Today, however, I finally had a sense of peace...of actually taking it to the next level...of accomplishing something and knowing that it was all God working through me and no one else, getting me to this place.

I was at practice at the church as usual on a Tuesday and for one of the songs we were having a hard time figuring out the right chords...Jon wanted to capo it but that meant that I had to adjust the chords on the chart to match the capo, something that I understand but have never had to actually do before.

It was taking forever so we just resolved to leave it in the original key and that I would lead it instead of him. You all know I have like, no confidence in myself yet when it comes to singing and playing simultaneously..I do it every week when we practice, but not really without relying on the guitar to fill in the notes on the keys that I miss, and, believe me, I miss a lot of them.. hehehe (if I am getting better at one thing, though, it's covering up my mistakes!!)

But we started playing this particular song, and, amazingly, it seemed to just come so naturally. Yes, I messed up some and I didn't hit every note correctly, but it just felt so good. I actually felt like all my practice, my effort, and my time spent had been paying off, and to see something, even the smallest of things, manifest itself in your life when everything else seems almost hopeless is such an encouragement, and it's instilled in me a glimmer of hope that my persistence in all things will pay off.

Incidentally, had my amazing, awesome,gorgeous, life-saving neighbor (yes, Hailey that would be you..lol) not texted me and offered to watch my kids at the LAST MINUTE, without even knowing I needed help, I probably would not have been able to even get there today...

Coincidence? I think not.

*~Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.~*

Try this if you're looking for a challenge!

For some reason, I have always found it difficult to get a good portrait of my kids. Several things contribute to the perpetual failure of this monster of a task...either one of them is pouting, or one of them suddenly gets a severe case of ADD, or one of them is beating on one of the others. The last time I took them in for pictures, I swore I would make it a point never to do it again.

Well, that didn't last long. I was looking at the pictures around my house the other day and decided they needed updating, so, my photography skills lacking, I contemplated again putting myself through this torturous fiasco and finally dragged my kids to the mall for an attempt at a photo shoot. And, surprise, they were actually really good..in comparison to past experiences, anyway. We had a hard time getting Ashlyn to smile...no surprise there...and I could tell the employee was a little irked by my nitpicky requests [what can I say, I'm paying probably more money than it's worth as it is! I don't want a crappy picture!!!] But they turned out extremely cute, and I am very happy with them. Mostly because my kiddies just rock in the cute department..:)

Hannah Montana what?

So, my almost-6-year-old daughter has become infatuated with Hannah Montana..I am talking the show, the clothes, the merch, the music, anything and everything labeled Hannah Montana slash Miley Cyrus. I was skeptical when she first got into it..wasn't sure if the content was appropriate for a 5-year-old because I have seen some Disney shows where the humor is on the verge of being a little too grown up for her [you all know that I'm not incredibly strict about this, but still]... so when Mikayla first asked me to watch Hannah Montana with her a few months ago, I hesitated but gave in. I am happy to report that not only is the show's content very appropriate for a wide range of ages and incorporates a good message in the mix [i.e. doing the right thing in an everyday sitch], it is freakin hilarious!!! Pretty much all the characters on the show have a sense of humor that has me and my daughters rolling every time it's on [yes, that would be at approximately 5:00 and 5:30 daily].



The only problem...Mikayla now thinks she is a southern high school fashion model popstar. I suppose it could be worse, right?! Oh, and I ain't spending $500 bucks a pop to go to her show, either.. hehheh

Increase, Not Decrease

My dad actually sent this in an email. I thought it was a great encouragement.

I once heard a minister ask someone if they would want their child to be poor, sick and destitute. Of course the answer was no, but this same person believed it was God's will for their child to be crippled. Compassion for the oppressed is always in order. Jesus went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed of the devil. ( Acts 10:38 ) Let's not forget that the author of sickness, disease and poverty is not our Father. They are from the god of this world; the devil. Jesus said, " If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?" How dare us believe our "Father" wants us to be sick and/or poor. That is a spirit of religion and the Bible doesn't teach this. Yes, we are to have faith in every situation, ( Phil 4:12 ) but it's Gods perfect will that we come to a place of increase in our bodies, our souls and our spirits. God desires to bless and prosper us in every area of our lives in order that we may be a blessing to others. You can't give encouragement when you're depressed or minister healing when you're sick in bed or give finances for the spread of the gospel and to feed and clothe the poor when you're broke. False humility will be broken in the end times church and faith in the truth of God's abundance and blessing will come to pass.


8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

9 As it is written:

“He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor;
his righteousness endures forever.” ( 2Cor 9: 8,9 )




http://www.kcm.org/studycenter/devotional/f2f/index.php?l=eng

Genesis 12:1-4
1 The Lord had said to Abram, “Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you.
2 “I will make you into a great nation
and I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
and you will be a blessing.
3 I will bless those who bless you,
and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
will be blessed through you.”
4 So Abram left, as the Lord had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Haran.

Genesis 13:1-4
1 So Abram went up from Egypt to the Negev, with his wife and everything he had, and Lot went with him.
2 Abram had become very wealthy in livestock and in silver and gold.
3 From the Negev he went from place to place until he came to Bethel, to the place between Bethel and Ai where his tent had been earlier
4 and where he had first built an altar. There Abram called on the name of the Lord.

And a New Year Begins...

2007 is gone, and 2008 is here to stay for 364 more days. It's amazing to me how quickly time flies. I clearly remember when 1990 came and it was the coolest thing ever that we were now in a new decade. What about when everyone was making such a big deal about the world coming to an end in the year 2000? And then, seriously, it's like all the new years after that have pretty much blended together.

Yet 2007 has been a learning year for me. I feel like I have gone through so much, some good, some bad, but I try to make everything a learning experience and a stepping stone in my walk in life.

In 2007, I learned:

*How to use html

*To make the most out of all situations

*To be careful who you trust

*That playing piano and singing simultaneously is not as easy as it looks but it's still fun

*That vodka can be good when you use it correctly to make martinis

*That things don't always go the way you want them to

*That taking risks is not always to your benefit

*That taking risks is the best way to find yourself and who you are in God's eyes

*That just when you think things are going your way, something else happens to derail you

*That conflict can always be resolved, and, better yet, used for good

*That children grow up and become their own

*How to make latkes

*How to know when a situation needs to be reevaluated

*How to be a positive influence on family and friends

*That even heavy-duty SUVs are no match for winter driving conditions

*That getting an SUV repaired after a mishap in winter driving conditions costs an arm and a leg

*That giving thanks to God for protection (heart, mind, and body) is extremely important

*That Vitamin Water is the answer to all thirst

*That 30-second microwave steam-in-the bag rice is an excellent choice in all last minute dinner preparations

*That 29 might be a worse age than 30 because of the anticipation you feel all year about turning 30

*That tatooes are addictive

*And finally, that people will continue to disappoint, but God will never fail you

Here's to a great 2008! Happy New Year!