I have recently blogged about these last few months being very hard, and I wanted to let you all know that things are and have been definitely looking up! I'm excited about this year and what it will bring. I'm excited for new beginnings, and for a renewed spirit, and a sound mind. I look forward to stepping out into new territory and letting God work through me and helping others to do the same.
One thing that I do have trouble with, as some of you might have realized by now (hehehe..unfortunately for you), is that change is hard for me. Even though I know it's likely for the good, it's hard. I find something I like and get attached to it, and it's hard for me to give it up. It's kind of like leaving your parents' house when you go away to college..you want that change and you've been waiting so long for it, and you know it will probably be a change for the better and a step towards your future, but leaving a place of stability and comfort proves challenging nonetheless. And I have had so much change in my lifetime (change of residences, change of friends, change of schools, etc., etc., and not all good change) that when I find something comfortable, I cling. And, frankly, it sucks, because I have learned over the years that not many others are as loyal or sensitive to/observant of other people as I tend to be.
I have also learned this: You can't blame them. It's called human nature.
In the past few months, there have been a couple incidents of someone who I trust disappointing me in some way; The one that still kills me every time I think about what happened, well this person just did something that was just totally wrong and sickening and hurtful in every way , not just affecting me, but lots of other people as well. And then, after that happened, I was burdened with the question, "If I can't trust this particular person, who, then, CAN I trust?" And I admit I was being super sensitive to other people as a result of it. The funny part about it is I always know all along that I will be disappointed. I always am. Because imperfect, flawed human beings will always disappoint in some way. So how is that their fault? They were just living up to my expectations, carrying out what I knew would eventually occur. It seems that history always repeats itself in this area...
BUT: because it does keep repeating itself, every time something like this happens, I re-learn and remember and re-cling to this: God will never fail you. And I think that is part of the lesson that I am supposed to be learning and re-learning through it all...CLING TO GOD AND THE PROMISES HE HAS FOR YOU, because no one else will ever be as loyal as He is.
I like to think of things like disappointing events as "blessing blockers." These blessing blockers can come in any shape, way, form, etc. They can seem enticing, sweet, fun, and even Godly, but in the end they always fail you. It's because they are not of God. It's because Satan uses them to essentially block your blessing, to try to take your focus off of the promises that God HAS made to you and focus on the situation (seemingly good, or bad) that surrounds you. Because God's plan for you is awesome, and Satan doesn't want you to achieve it. Because that would mean that he lost.
I can be hurt and upset and ready for revenge forever. But that would only mean that Satan got his way, that my focus has fallen off of the promise that God has for me. Am I saying that it's my fault that things in the past have happened the way they did? No. I do take some responsibility, but certainly not all of it. It always takes two. However, I CAN choose to just let it go and to forgive and to have faith that God is a God of justice.
And I do believe that what Satan tries to use for evil, God can ultimately turn around and use it for good.
So, that is where I am at right now. I know it might sound dumb and weird and not make any sense to some of you reading this, but I can honestly say that I want to focus on God's perfect plan, even if it is unclear to me..no.. ESPECIALLY when it is unclear to me, so that I keep my eyes on Him and continually seek Him...and not be distracted by the silly problems that have in the last couple of months seemed to come one after the other after the other. I can only hope that God has something awesome in store for me, because you know what they say... the greater the opposition, the greater the blessing.
: )
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