Revelation

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

~ 2 corinthians 12:9-10

i love it when everything falls into place and starts making sense, and you look back and are able to be thankful for things that have occurred, even when they may have seemed confusing at the time. i feel so blessed and so fortunate to serve a God who is faithful and always true.

here's what i mean.

for the span of probably about 5 years, i was in "settle" mode. i wasn't unhappy with the way things were going; quite the opposite, rather. however, unknowingly, i was letting my role as solely a mother and wife define me more and more. for some, this may be what they have aspired to be, and that is totally fine! [i love being a wife and a mother, don't get me wrong!] but for me, i was neglecting the aspirations and dreams and hopes that i had possessed since i was a child that i knew were placed in me by God. i was living a life behind closed doors, never wanting to get out and meet new people or try anything new.

at the time, i thought i was a strong person. i had been through some interesting times in my life and had convinced myself that i didn't need anyone else besides my family. i didn't let anyone give me advice or criticism, and i even had a hard time accepting compliments, because i thought everyone else was full of crap. unless you were my husband or my child, closeness with me wasn't an option. so i started to isolate. but God began to stir it up in me again, giving me a taste of desire, a glimpse of hope, when I decided on a whim to visit Vinelife Church after years of church-hating. when i finally did start to get involved in things and reconnecting with friends, etc., i felt so much contentedness. it was like i was re-realizing how rich and fullfilling life was meant to be. God surrounded me with people who inspired me. he opened doors of opportunity for me. he never left my side as i humbly and fearfully walked through them.

and the funny part; i never realized how weak i really was until i started to obey him and take even those tiny risks...

through all of this, i noticed that i was not myself. i was letting other people get to me. i was being overly sensitive to situations. i was taking these good things God had placed in my path and misusing them in fear of losing them, i guess. and i would think to myself, "what am I doing?" i know better. i know it seems like that would be a frustrating thing. and it was. but i really believe that it was meant to be. it was going to take brokenness to understand what God wanted from me. and it revealed to me what my weaknesses are so that i could let Him carry me in those areas and rely on him when there was no one else who would understand. Because, after all, IN MY WEAKNESS, HE IS STRONG. i realized that i do also very much need the support and friendship of others...and that i can't do this on my own. and i now feel stronger in faith than ever because of these things He has allowed me to experience and has used for good...

and the same can be true for you.

xoxo