This is what I have to deal with people. I have had a lot of these over the years, but this is BY FAR the best. This dialogue was taken today from an actual dictation from an actual dictator in the middle of a job. Excuse the language. :)
“Objective Findings: Neurovascular status intact bilaterally.”
*Phone rings*
“Hello? Heeyy baby, how you doin..? Oh that’s good, your tummy’s fine..great..so, how was your evening?.....Reeeally? Oh that’s nice.....No, I left about 7:45. It was just me and the tumbleweeds, man, there was like nobody on the road. I think people stayin away....What?...Oh, they closed it down? I don’t even know what they did. So it worked out fine.......I had some dinner, I watched some sports, I d**ked around on the computer, and that’s it.....yeeeahhh........I owe you a dollar.....laughs*...I’m givin you the dollar baby. That’s what I do, man. That way, you know, I don’t have any debts baby. Gotta eliminate the debts. I wanna live DEBT FREE! Like, who’s that guy on the radio..he’s also on the TV, he does a talk show about being debt free. I’m not talking like....... [insert name] does that s**t though....what’s her deal, huh? Yeaahhh.. So, uumm, yeah...........just doin some work here. Did you hear the guy talking about the alternative medicine treatment?.....Was it interesting?.....I don’t know who these people are or where they find them, they’re kooky. You know what I mean.....I think I saw Fidel Castro when I was driving home. I didn’t know they invited Caribbean communists here. I’m all up in my Nikes, man........So I’m gunna look for a brown belt on Friday.........I sent you emails........you just too good to hang out with me at your big event, trying to move up the corporate ladder *laughs*. What’s the name of that sheister attorney? I really wanna know who this f***in punk is, [insert name]. *Looking up online*.....Yeah, we gotta get somethin else to put in that freakin omelet.......*reading bio*.......you take those little sausages and put that in there....*reading bio* ....yeah I’m looking forward to it...............So, ahh, what did you have for dinner?.....You soak your chicken thighs in soy sauce overnight? Is that how you make that stuff?........Attorney profile, let’s see if we got this... (in deep sarcastic voice) The law offices of [insert name]. Let’s see what we got. It looks like he’s from Chicago....What a f***in sheister man......yeeahh, you see that thing, he’s got the tan goin, he got the chains, the open shirt.....What the f***, they ran him out of Chicago? F***in, he probably spent 3 years in prison for f***in milking clients out of their money and overcharging and s**t like in the movie The Firm...remember that?.......Huh? You never saw the movie The Firm?......You ever read the book?......The first 50 pages are outstanding. It’s like one of those you can’t put down, even I said that..............so what’s shakin baby? You be hanging your American flag on Veteran’s Day man? Why don’t you come up and shake my hand and thank me for being a Veteran of the United States *laughs*............You not gunna do that? How you gonna be like that? It’s like, way to be an American...............huh baby...........mmmhhmmmm......yes, I had a lot of free time last night....yeeahhh it was good...........................................Oh....did this hang up on me? I think I f***ed up the dictation.”
*Hangs up.*
*Hangs up.*
Ya think?!?
**No names, no locations, and no patient or confidential information are contained in this document.
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