Resounding: My perspective on Acari, Rio de Janeiro

 It’s been almost a year now, and I remember it so clearly. 

As we entered the streets of Acari, the atmosphere was gloomy.  There was undoubtedly some kind of heavy spirit lingering over that place. It was dark, not just as in the time of day, and the humid, sticky air was thick with a cumbersome essence.  There were a lot of people outside that night, including a number of small children playing in the littered streets with no recognizable hint of a parent in sight.  I had to refrain myself more than once from scolding some of them, especially the small boy who I observed repeatedly playfully but violently smacking one of his peers with a broken, jagged, splintery wood board.  No one else seemed to notice or care. 

It must have been a strange sight to the residents there, a large group of us, our team consisting of both Brazilians and Americans, walking cautiously together, coming into their territory.  I made sure to smile at everyone I passed, but most of my reluctant smiles were met with inquisitive glares. 

Likewise, it is an extremely peculiar feeling to enter a place where everyone stares unabashedly at you.  One of the little girls on the street, through a translator, asked me if everyone in the U.S. was white.  And then she proceeded to tell me she had never seen a white person before.  I’m pretty sure I blushed when in silent amazement she reached out to touch my long, stick straight hair and told me how beautiful I was.  I made sure to remind her that she was beautiful, too. She was, breathtakingly so. I couldn’t tell if she was a victim of the sex slavery that we knew was happening here, but I wouldn’t have been surprised.

We did some street ministry with the local church (who was also hosting/protecting us while we were visiting there in Acari), and many people were healed.  Some of us got to pray for a little baby girl with a brain tumor.  We crowded into her mother’s tiny living room, not much bigger than the size of my walk-in closet at home, and prayed for her healing.  It was one of the most touching 30 minutes of my entire life.

While walking through the dark, narrow alleyways, we had every reason to be afraid.  I knew there was crime happening all around me. There were drug dealers cutting cocaine on the side of the road. We saw people hiding weapons under their clothes and eying us with disdain, but, supernaturally, I wasn’t scared.  None of us were.

In fact, all I could feel in that moment was love.....

Pure, unadulterated, unconditional, un-Americanized, un-religious love for these people, some of whom were criminals, and some of whom were victims.  We were in the midst of all of the sin and ugliness surrounding us, and it all disappeared as we were overwhelmed and immersed in God’s love in its truest form, and His presence so thick.  I wasn’t scared of anyone or anything there. I wanted to help them all see and feel this Love that I was so vividly and tangibly experiencing in that very moment.  I wanted them to know that they were so passionately loved by the Father, too.  Because this is the kind of love that changes lives...and atmospheres.  And in a place like this, where the people are starved for any kind of love at all, the Father’s Love is free to flow abundantly.  

There were many unforgettable moments during our trip to Rio last April.  But this visit to Acari impacted our entire team, Americans and Brazilians alike, in a major way.  It didn’t just change the lives of some of the people in Acari, it changed all of our lives too. 

Ray Hughes, founder of Selah Ministries, recently delivered a compelling message at Resound: One Night, at Vinelife Church, and had this to say:

And David said, “People of God, interrupt the space on this planet. Everywhere you go, release that sound of praise.  Create a habitation for Him to be in that moment.”  Boy, what a job.  What an awesome wonder, and what an honor.  True creativity never finds the full expression in the confines of the intellect, because true creativity is borne out of God’s desire to reveal His mysteries.  So we get to carry this mysterious, wondrous, awesome God who chose to dwell in us, and the overflow of our worship alone displaces everything that’s dark in our world.

I don’t think I could have said it any better myself.

It’s impossible to really understand it until you’ve experienced it for yourself, but there truly is no greater feeling than the humbling realization that God is using you creatively for something bigger than yourself, to carry Christ's light, love, and life into very dark places, and, in turn, there is no greater reward than to experience that same light, love, and life alongside those who need it the most.

And that is why I’m going back to Rio this June.  It’s also why I invest my efforts, money, and time into Resound:  Resound Conference, which happens right here in our community, and also Resound Global, where teams of us travel to places around the world with the sole purpose of resounding Love and life, and displacing darkness with radiant, divine, and glorious light.  

Note: The purpose of this post is not to ask for financial assistance. I honestly just want people to understand why I invest so much of myself into it.  But if you are interested in contributing financially on my behalf, please contact me at jenn@resoundconference.com. 

*All photos taken by Jarrod Renaud

Is Your Past Defining Your Future?

In general, I think I’m a good person.  I’m not mean.  I’m not malicious.  I keep my word. I genuinely try to love others.  I don’t break the law.  But, like all of us, I have skeletons.  Some that I have forgiven myself for, others that have long since been brushed under the rug, and still others that continue to haunt me from time to time.

My husband and I were enjoying a lovely dinner with dear friends last night, and, as is common when friends convene, we started rehashing old stories of stupid things we had done in our lifetimes. A story of mine was brought up and we all got a good laugh at my expense. 

For some brief background, I am not proud of the number of stupid things I have done in my life, and this particular incident was far from the worst. But for some reason it just brings up all the ugly out of me, probably because it happened just a few short years ago, in my mature adulthood, when I should have known better. And it is the representation of a handful of events that occurred during a point in my life where the thought of turning 30 scared me to death, because, you know, when you turn 30 it’s all downhill from there (another lie; my 30s have been amazing so far).  So I pretended I was never going to turn 30 and I was savoring every last little bit of my youth. Of course, you are getting the surface version... things that happened then resulted from much deeper issues that I have since been working through and overcoming. 

But when I went to bed last night with our many conversations still fresh in my mind and with the events of that one particular night swirling around in my thoughts, the downward spiral of lies began to flood my brain.  Lies like, “I’m a horrible person.  How could I have been so dumb? What kind of person does this kind of thing? Why should anyone respect me when they know who I really am? Because I did this, I am not worthy of anything good in the future.......”. After all, I am a level-headed, easy-going, smart, and gifted woman of God, and I should act like it. (Keep in mind, this "thing" that I was beating myself up over cannot even be considered that bad..just stupid.)

It was not until just a few years ago that God smacked me in the face with the obvious....that THESE ARE LIES AND THEY ARE NOT TRUE! SATAN IS A LIAR! He doesn’t want us to believe that anything good can come our way.  He will do anything to prevent us from receiving all that the Father has for us, including using our pasts against us. John 10:10 says, “The thief (Satan) comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I (Jesus) came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” It took me way too long to realize this! WE CANNOT LET OUR PASTS HOLD US BACK!

I have done some stupid things. But I have still been richly blessed! So many amazing opportunities have recently presented themselves that, quite frankly, based on my past, I do not deserve.  But God does not want us to be “good” so that he can love us. He already loves us, and He wants nothing but good things for us! Not only does He want us to have life, but he wants us to have it ABUNDANTLY! And He can use us for His glory even despite ourselves and the stupid things we have done, or will do.  This doesn’t mean that we can just go around doing whatever we want because we know He loves us anyway; in fact, it is crucial that we maintain high standards for ourselves and constantly set examples for the people around us.  But we are all human and we will all fall.  The beauty of God loving us unconditionally is that the more we realize this truth, and the more we realize that our pasts are essentially forgotten and forgiven, the more we strive to be “good” for Him. 

Doing our best to uphold our character is important in our everyday lives.  But our pasts do not define our futures, so don’t let lies hold you back from all the Goodness that God has planned for you. 

I know I won't.

To Give is to Receive

Ahhhhhh, Christmas..

I cannot believe it has been one whole year since the last holiday season.  It seems like just yesterday that we plowed through the crazy, albeit merry, month that is December. 

This month, every year, you can find me at the mall, searching for the latest and greatest [insert object] for my little ones, along with countless other parents and aunts and uncles and grandparents.  Or in dainty locally owned boutiques, mulling over sparkly, delicate, handmade trinkets for my friends.  Or in Best Buy trying to convince myself (or, rather, trying to convince my husband) that we don’t need a new flat-screen television (For the record, I lost that battle!). Or in a coffee shop, picking up gift cards for people who matter but who I’m not close enough with to know what else they might appreciate. 

But this year is different.  Somehow, spending money on mere things doesn’t feel as good.  Indulging in the yearly luxury is fun, but the contentedness ceases to persist.  I often think about the little baby girl in the orphanage in Rio and I wonder how she is doing.  I wonder if she is getting spoiled this Christmas.  And, mostly, I wish I could be the one spoiling her. 

Not just her, but the rest of the babies and small children there.  They all deserve something special. My heart fractures a little more every time I think about them on Christmas morning, unspoiled and parentless.

Yet, simultaneously, I am filled with so much happiness as I survey my own children overflowing with delight. 

My perspective has changed, and I wonder what I can do to help.  And, more importantly, I wonder how I can help my own kids to have compassion for those less fortunate and develop a healthy desire to give instead of get. 

So, for the rest of December, I am going to carry on as usual, because it’s important to me to provide my family with comfortable traditions and special memories; these are the things that keep a family strong.  But I will also look for every opportunity to serve others who don’t have as much as I do, but deserve even more.  I will commit to teaching my kids the infinite pleasure that comes along with giving.  And I will reach beyond the security of my own little world and be aware of the needs of the people around me, be it down the block or in another country entirely. 

And I hope to inspire you all to do the same.  I mean, look at these faces......

We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give. 

- Winston Churchill

*Top photo taken by Jarrod Renaud

The Best "Overheard" Ever.

This is what I have to deal with people.  I have had a lot of these over the years, but this is BY FAR the best. This dialogue was taken today from an actual dictation from an actual dictator in the middle of a job.  Excuse the language.  :) 

“Objective Findings:  Neurovascular status intact bilaterally.”

*Phone rings*

“Hello? Heeyy baby, how you doin..? Oh that’s good, your tummy’s fine..great..so, how was your evening?.....Reeeally? Oh that’s nice.....No, I left about 7:45.  It was just me and the tumbleweeds, man, there was like nobody on the road.  I think people stayin away....What?...Oh, they closed it down? I don’t even know what they did. So it worked out fine.......I had some dinner, I watched some sports, I d**ked around on the computer, and that’s it.....yeeeahhh........I owe you a dollar.....laughs*...I’m givin you the dollar baby.  That’s what I do, man.  That way, you know, I don’t have any debts baby.  Gotta eliminate the debts. I wanna live DEBT FREE!  Like, who’s that guy on the radio..he’s also on the TV, he does a talk show about being debt free.  I’m not talking like....... [insert name] does that s**t though....what’s her deal, huh? Yeaahhh.. So, uumm, yeah...........just doin some work here. Did you hear the guy talking about the alternative medicine treatment?.....Was it interesting?.....I don’t know who these people are or where they find them, they’re kooky. You know what I mean.....I think I saw Fidel Castro when I was driving home.  I didn’t know they invited Caribbean communists here. I’m all up in my Nikes, man........So I’m gunna look for a brown belt on Friday.........I sent you emails........you just too good to hang out with me at your big event, trying to move up the corporate ladder *laughs*.  What’s the name of that sheister attorney? I really wanna know who this f***in punk is, [insert name].  *Looking up online*.....Yeah, we gotta get somethin else to put in that freakin omelet.......*reading bio*.......you take those little sausages and put that in there....*reading bio* ....yeah I’m looking forward to it...............So, ahh, what did you have for dinner?.....You soak your chicken thighs in soy sauce overnight? Is that how you make that stuff?........Attorney profile, let’s see if we got this... (in deep sarcastic voice) The law offices of [insert name].  Let’s see what we got.  It looks like he’s from Chicago....What a f***in sheister man......yeeahh, you see that thing, he’s got the tan goin, he got the chains, the open shirt.....What the f***, they ran him out of Chicago? F***in, he probably spent 3 years in prison for f***in milking clients out of their money and overcharging and s**t like in the movie The Firm...remember that?.......Huh? You never saw the movie The Firm?......You ever read the book?......The first 50 pages are outstanding.  It’s like one of those you can’t put down, even I said that..............so what’s shakin baby? You be hanging your American flag on Veteran’s Day man? Why don’t you come up and shake my hand and thank me for being a Veteran of the United States *laughs*............You not gunna do that? How you gonna be like that? It’s like, way to be an American...............huh baby...........mmmhhmmmm......yes, I had a lot of free time last night....yeeahhh it was good...........................................Oh....did this hang up on me? I think I f***ed up the dictation.”

*Hangs up.*

Ya think?!?

**No names, no locations, and no patient or confidential information are contained in this document.    

How much is TOO much?

Today marks the beginning of a busy fall season. Aside from the already full days of work and school, my kids and I, once again, will be spending a lot of time at Longmont Dance Theatre. I will be working in the office there 3 times a week to help with tuition, and the girls have basically sold their souls to dance, taking multiple classes a week.

Before this year I have never allowed Mikayla (9) to take more than 2 required classes at a time.  The level of ballet she has been placed in requires her to participate in 2 ballet classes a week plus a modern class to maintain status in the pre-professional ballet program. She also wants to try some other styles of dance, including tap, jazz, and hip hop. This semester she is attempting to take 5 classes a week plus Nutcracker rehearsals almost every weekend.  Too much?!?!

Let's make something clear: I do not expect her to make a career out of dance, nor do I push her to remain in the pre-professional program.  I have left it up to her, and this is what she wants to do with her spare time.   I keep going back and forth between thinking that perhaps this is too much for her. I've always frowned upon loading kids up to their ears with extra stuff, especially during the school year when their education should be the primary focus.

But here's the thing:  I believe that all kids should be involved in something that they love to do, be it sports, music, academics, dance...Given the appropriate surroundings, I believe it strengthens their mind, their body, and even their soul.  It lends them something to pour their efforts into and doesn't let them have time to be bored or finicky.  It helps them develop a positive outlook on life and builds their character.  It keeps them fit.  Some might even call it a healthy addiction.

I for one am thrilled that my daughters, and even my son, have inherited the same love for dance that I possess.  It benefits me as well, since by being fortunate enough to be able to work to pay their tuition, I also get to see them blossom in their skill and be present as they do it.  And as long as they are happy and not suffering in other areas, I've come to the conclusion that I don't mind if they want to fill their time with dance.

Thoughts?  

INK.

So... I got a tattoo.  And not just a little tattoo.  A HUGE tattoo.  A lovely tattoo.  It will take some getting used to, this massive, even somewhat intimidating, piece of artwork on my back, but I am thoroughly enjoying it. Here's why:

• Its concept and original art was contrived by yours truly

By no means do I dare to call myself an artist, but when I was younger I used to draw a lot (in times of boredom, like, in math class :D ).  This piece was inspired by an old tattoo that I had gotten a couple years ago that I just did not feel was complete.  It was tiny, for one, and it held no significance to me.  This tiny little tattoo became the center of the blue flower, and the concept just spawned from there.  Of course, Jeremy doctored it up and made it look a bit more professional.

My draft:

Jeremy's draft:

• It represents my family

There are 3 flowers, one for each of my kids.  Their respective flower has their first initial next to it and is shaded with their favorite color.

• It was done by a friend

...The one and only Jeremy Finch, who for just starting out has shown incredible talent. One of the only reasons I had not already gotten a bigger tattoo was the inconvenience, and my severe particularity.. I needed to be sure that I trusted the person who would permanently scar me for life, (in the literal sense!) and, having known Jeremy for so long I knew he would do his best to make it what I wanted, and not what was easiest or most convenient for him (5 hours later!). I also know that I am now a walking advertisement for him, which I hope is beneficial for him in the long run.

And for those of you who are wondering...yes, it hurt. :)

Life::Love

It's been almost exactly 2 years since my last blog post. The ease of Twitter with 140-character updates and the sense of connection on Facebook have been partly to blame.  I suppose I just got lazy too. But I'm back, and, don't worry, I have a lot to talk about.  :)

xoxo